Friday, June 16, 2006


Continuing to play at journalism, I found myself standing out in the drizzle at Porte Maillot at 8 a.m. After five minutes of standing very still and blinking into the bleary morning light, I got on a chartered short bus and headed off to the Dannon (which is a French company and is really spelled Danone) factory. Theoretically this was supposed to be about engineered foods (Nestle, for example, is making a breakfast bar designed especially for diabetics, and I thought Danone was maybe doing something similar), but something seemed off. Everything seemed set to go very, very wrong.

First, I was surrounded by blonde French women who wrote for French women's health magazines. They were nice to look at and fun to talk to, but they were clearly there to write about dieting. This wasn't good.

Then we hit traffic. Lots of traffic. That's never good.

Third, we broke free of the traffic and it became clear that our driver had no idea where he was, but refused to admit it and acted like we were crazy for being upset with him about it. We actually drove several laps around one roundabout while we all argued and tried to figure out where we were.

When we did finally get there - almost an hour late - I was never so happy to arrive at a yogurt factory in the middle of the countryside in my entire life. It was a distincly French factory, filled to the brim with unnecessary architectural elements and all the yogurt products I could eat. Then the propaganda began.

There was power point presentation after power point presentation, each delivered by the most attractive person in his/her department. There was a tour delivered by a small man with a tic, where we saw lots of bubbling beakers and microscopes, but no yogurt. And then there were more power point presentations and more free Danone products. I forgot why I was there.

I was there to eat yogurt.

We all need to eat more yogurt. Yogurt is essential for our health. Eat more yogurt. Eat Danone yogurt.

I don't remember how I got home.


Blogger Vernal Loche said...

Maybe you got home in the private Terror-Defeatist limo.

June 16, 2006 1:27 PM  
Blogger adam said...

Or on the Fag-Jew bus.

June 21, 2006 2:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

or...the stupidface-pinko metro!

June 21, 2006 3:05 AM  

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